Hello world !

There's sumthin in ur eyes ,
Thats far too revealin
Why must it be like this ,
Luv without feelin
Sumthing wrong with u I knw ,
I see it in ur eyes ,
Blieve me when I say ,
It's gonna be okay .

I told u frm d start I wont be demanding ,
If u hav a change of heart I'll be undrstanding
I'll be undrstanding
When luv becomes a broken heart ,n dreams begin to die
Believe me when i say ,
We'll work it out some way .

I'll never try to hold u bck ,
I wouldnt try cntrolling u ,
If it's wat u want
Its wat i want ,
I want whats best 4 u .
n if there's sumthin else that u're lookin for .
I'll be the first to help u try .
Blieve me when I say .
It's hard to say gudbye

we've lost that lovin touch
we used to feel so much .
I try to hide the truth thats in my eyes
D love without feelin
Bt when i feel we're not in luv ,
I knw i'm losin u .
Blieve me when i say ,
We'll work it out some way

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Bisa gila ak tanpa km raky ..

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Bisa gila ak tanpa km raky ..

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Bisa gila ak tanpa km raky ..

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Gudbye to u my trusted friend
We've known each other since we nine or ten ,
Together we've climbed hills n trees
Learned of love n ABC's
Skinned our heart n skinned our knees .

*gudbye myfriend it's hard to die ,
When all d birds r singing in d sky
Nw that spring is in d air ,
Handsome man r everywhere ,
Think of me n I'll be there .

we had joy ,we had fun ,
Whe had season in d sun
Bt d hills that we climbed were jst seasons out of time .

Gudbye Raky my little one ,
U gave me love n helped me find d sun
n everytime that I was down ,
U would always come around
N get my feet back on d ground .

*gudbye Raky it's hard to die ,
When all d birds r singing in d sky
with d flowers everywhere ,
I wish that we could both be there .

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Sebuah suka blm tentu mjd cinta .
Tp rasa sukaku pdny melebihi rasa cinta yg ad .
Brjuta kali kukatakan 'suka' pdmu dlm hati .
Brjuta kali pula rasa itu mnyadarkanku .
Krn tak mgkn km brpaling padaku ,
Dan percayalah kasih ,it
Itu amat menyakiti hatiku .

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Ak mimpi km kmarin mlm ,
Ak mimpi qta jd tmn dket ,
Trs ak blg suka sm km ,
Tp km gag tw ,km gag tw kalo yg blg suka km itu ak .
Mimpi yg bodoh ,
Trlalu bodoh dan naif krn tentu saja ak gag mgkn bs jd dket sm km ..

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Bhkan utk mnyebut namamu saja ak tak berani .

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Bgaimana bs ?
Kau hadir dmimpiku .
Pdhl tak sdikitpun ,
Kurindu dirimu .

Pdhl gw ud gag mikirin dy lg stlh sekian lama ,
Pdhl gw ud mulai lupa sm dy ,
Pdhl rasa ini ud gag ad lg ,
Tp cm krn skedar satu mimpi ,
Skejap ,crita ttg dirimu kembali lg .
Bgitu cepat ,dan menyesakkan .
Ak kngen a**a !
I miss u damn it !

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Ia datang bgitu saja ,
Mgajakku brmain ,
Mgajakku tertawa ,
Membawaku pergi dr suramny hidupku .

Ia mnggandeng tanganku ,
Mgayunkanny ,
Membuatku ikt merasakan keceriaanny yg menjalar dr sela jari-jariny .
Ia mnunjukkanku duniany ,
Dunia indah penuh warna .

Ia brnyanyi utkku ,
Mgalunkan nada-nada indah dr suara merduny .
Membuatku bahagia bkn kepalang .

Ia memelukku ,
Memberiku kehangatan ,
Menepuk punggungku menenangkan kala ak menangis .

Ia menatapku ,trsenyum padaku .
Seolah ak bidadari terindahny .
Ia membuatku merasa berharga .

Ia bgaikan mentari yg mnyinariku dpagi hari .
Bagai rembulan yg menerangiku dlm kegelapan ,
Bagai pelangi yg memberiku warna warni khidupan ,
Bagai bintang yg setia mnemani sang bulan ,
Ia trlalu indah utk dlukiskan ,
Trlalu brharga utk dlupakan .

Tp kmudian ia prgi ,
Bgitu tiba" ,
tanpa kata perpisahan ,
Membuatku kehilangan pgangan ,
Ak kehilangan pijakkan .
Ak jatuh ,roboh ,dan hancur .
Krn dia yg kukasihi telah pergi ,
Cahayaku tak lg menerangiku .
Ak seakan mati ,
Ak brjalan ,ak bernafas ,ak brgerak .
Tp ak tak lg dpt merasa ,
Ak kehilangan asa ..

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Ap ak trlihat baik"saja ?
Ap ak trlihat bgitu tegar ?
Ap ak trlihat kuat ?

Ak gag kuat ,ak gag tegar ,ak gag bahagia ,ak gag baik"saja .
Ak mw nangis ,ak mw teriak ,ak mw marah ,ak mw memaki ,ak mw tidur ,slamany ,melupakan smua .
Ak mw raky ,ak mw meluk raky ,ak mw nangis dbahu raky ,ak mw dgendong raky lg ,ak mw dnyanyiin nina bobo lg sm raky ,ak mw tawa raky ,ak mw snyum raky ,ak mw raky kembali .


Raky ini sakit skali ,
Dsni ,tepat djantungku .
Mgapa hidup bgtu membingungkan ?
Mgapa jln yg kulalui bgitu berliku-liku ?
Mgapa hdpku tak sesempurna mereka ?
Mgapa ak mnyakiti ibu dan diriku sndr ?pdhl sjak awal itu bkn slhny .
Bgaimana ini raky ?
Ini trlalu mnyakitkan .
Ak gag mw brpikir lg ,
Ak gag mw mjalani smua ini lg ,
Tp ak tak bisa mngecewakan ibuku ,
Ak tak bisa ,
Ak takut Allah-ku marah .
Bgaimana ini ky ?
Ini sakit skali ..

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I knw ur eyes in d morning sun
I feel u touch me in d pouring rain
N d moment that u wonder far frm me ,
I wanna feel u in my arms again .

N u come to me on a summer breeze ,
Keep me warm in ur love then u softly leave ,
N it's me u need to show .

I believe in u
U knw d door to my very soul
U're d light in my deepest ,darkest hour
My savior when i fall

N u may not think i care for u
When u knw down inside
That i really do

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I knw ur eyes in d morning sun
I feel u touch me in d pouring rain
N d moment that u wonder far frm me ,
I wanna feel u in my arms again .

N u come to me on a summer breeze ,
Keep me warm in ur love then u softly leave ,
N it's me u need to show .

I believe in u
U knw d door to my very soul
U're d light in my deepest ,darkest hour
My savior when i fall

N u may not think i care for u
When u knw down inside
That i really do

• 
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I knw ur eyes in d morning sun
I feel u touch me in d pouring rain
N d moment that u wonder far frm me ,
I wanna feel u in my arms again .

N u come to me on a summer breeze ,
Keep me warm in ur love then u softly leave ,
N it's me u need to show .

I believe in u
U knw d door to my very soul
U're d light in my deepest ,darkest hour
My savior when i fall

N u may not think i care for u
When u knw down inside
That i really do

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Bagaimana ini ?
Ak kangen raky ,
Kangen sekali ,
Sampai sakit rasany ..

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Ak mati ,
Ak tak brgerak ,
Tak brnafas ,
Tak brjalan ,
Buta ,
Tak lg dpt merasa ,
Saat raky prgi ..

Rasany mw mnjerit ,
Brteriak ,
Menolak knyataan .
Ak tak bisa tnpa raky ,
Ak kehilangan pegangan .
Ak jalani hr"tanpa raky seorang diri .
Pedih ,
Tersakiti krn ak kehilangan raky stelah radit mncampakkanku .
Hingga akhrny ak tak pduli lg .
Ak btuh seseorang ,
Ak btuh prhatian ,dan seseorg yg mnjagaku .
Ak tak bs mghalau pkiran
'Syapapun blh' ,
Syapapun blh ,asal ak tak sndr .
Krn sndr itu mnyakiti ,
I cant hold this any longer .
It's too heavy ..

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tak ada yg salah dengan kenangan ,
hanya saja waktu terus berjalan .
waktu mngubah semua perasaan ,
dan kenangan menjadi masa lalu .
mngubah janji mnjadi air mata ,
mngubah sumpah mnjadi sakit hati ,
dy yg dirindukan ,
slamanya akan jd kenangan ...

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Kangen dy yg prnh hadir dlm hari"ku ..
Pdhl benci bgd bgd bgd sm dy ..


Kmu prnh janjikan langit vanilla ,
dan hangatny mentari senja .
Kmu blg kan slalu ad .
dsetiap helaan nafas ,
dan kdipan mata .
Kini ,
langitku hitam ,
malamku kelam ,
kmu dmana ?

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désolé ,je crois pas d'amour .
Sorry ,i dunt believe in love .
Love such of bullshit ,
big fake n stupid lies .

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ak mulai meradang ,
ak mulai menerjang .
sakit karna dia pergi ,
smakin trasa mnyakiti ..

Ak btuh raky ,
dsni ,
karna tanpany ak seakan mati .
Ak ingin raky ,
mnemani ,
karna tanpany jantungku seakan trhenti .

Kmu dmana ?
Ak takut ..
Kian lama bayangmu kian memudar .
Ak tak lg dpt mgingat snyumanmu kala mnatapku .
Kmu dmana ?
Raky ..

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Heran ,
gw klo lg mrh ,ngmgna lgsg kasar mampus ..
Huff ,jaga emosi susah ya ..

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Tinggal brdoa ,
brtawakal ,
dan serahkan sgalany pd Allah SWT .
Krn sesungguhna ia lah yg mnentukan sgalany ..
Ya Allah ,brikan hamba keajaibanmu ..
Biarkan hamba msk Univ yg tlah hamba cita"kan sejak kcil dl ..
IPB .
hamba mohon ..

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Ad yg hilang ,
saat kau tak lg tersenyum ..
menemaniku dlm ketakutanku ..
Ad yg hampa ,
saat kau tak lagi ada ..
disetiap detik wktqu yg brjalan ..
Satu ..dua ..
Ak brusaha brtahan ,
tp kau tak kunjung hadir disini ..

Dmanakah kau wahai sayangku ?
Hangatkan ak dgn tawa riangmu ,
kuatkan ak dgn genggaman tgnmu ..
Sinari ak ,
yg trpuruk dlm kegelapan ..
Kembalilah kesisiku ,
tetaplah dsampingku .
Dan jgn prnh brfikir tuk tinggalkanku ,
krna ku takkan mampu hidup ,jika harus brpisah dgnmu ..

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Binasakan ak ,
krna raga ini telah hampa tanpa jiwa ..
Hapuskan ingatanku ,
krna diri ini slalu terpatri akan knangan lama ..
Matikan nyawaku ,
agar ku slalu bs brsamany ..

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Love is contagious poison ,
made by noxious black snake ,
Creep frm hell's caves .
its poison look as fresh as dew ,
as thirsty as gluttonous ..
But afterwards ,it will cause its drunkard pain till they die slow ..

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Helaan nafasku satu" ,
ak brhitung dalam hati .
mgharapkan keajaiban datang ,
tp kau tak kunjung kembali ..

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Tu me manques mon prince de pluie ..

Please ,
dnt leave me .
Day after day ,i can't feel u around me anymore .
N it's so hurt ..

je ne suis pas d'accord ..

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Ak membuat buku tentang raky ..
Tentang kisahku dan diriny ..
Tentang sbuah prsahabatan yg brakhir tragis .
Sprt ap yg kualami .

Tiap kata yg qu tulis seolah mbuka lembaran kenangan lama .
Ttg pahitny cinta dan diriny yg slalu ad disetiap detik wkt yg brjalan .
Ak seolah menggores hatiku sndr ,
apalagi saat mnceritakan ttg pnyakitny ..
Ak seolah menabur garam diatas luka yg lama ku kubur tp sakidny tak kunjung hilang ..


Raky ,
ini sulit skali ,
sesak .
Prasaan brsalah ini terus dan terus mghantui ak .
Knapa km blg 'jangan' dimimpi ak ?
Raky ,ak hrs bgaimana lg spy bs meredam sakid ini ?
Ingin skali ak mgores tgnku lbh dalam ,
sdalam pnyesalan dan kekecewaanku atas dunia .
Tp ak takut tuhanku marah ,
ak takut Allah SWT mrh ..

Raky ,je suis perdu sans toi ..



"AURELL"
buku ini kupersembahkan utk dy yg slalu ada dsetiap helaan nafasku ,sbg prmintaan maaf atas sgalany ..

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Everyone said that life is sucks .
How sucks their life than me ?
Do u ever feel like breakin down ?
Do ever feel like out of place ?
Do ever cut ur wrist ?
Do u ever slap ur own face ,hit ur head to wall ?
Do ever screamin without sounds cause u scare 'they' hear u .
Thanks ,u don't know that .

I need medicine .
I need raky ..
To take off this pain ..

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suatu hari ak brtanya pada raky ,
"ky ,rasa sakid yg paling mnyakiti itu apa?"
kmudian dia mnunjuk dadany dan brkata :"disini."
"disini ?"tanyaku smbl mnunjuk tepat kjantungku .
"ya."kata raky
ak meremas bajuku ; "kalau bgitu, sakid sekali .."
"kenapa?"tanya Raky .
"ini sakid sekali .."ak meremas bajuku makin kuat ,berusaha menahan ngilu dihatiku .
kemudian raky memelukku ,sbagaimana yg selalu ia lakukan jika melihatku menangis .
"tetap saja ,sakidny gag bs hilang.."
"kenapa?"tanyanya .
"sakid sekali saat ia memarahiku ,
sakid sekali saat ia tak membalas pelukanku ,
sakid sekali saat ia tak peduli padaku ,
sakid sekali saat ia berkata muak melihatku ,
sakid sekali saat ia lebih peduli pada kakakku ,
sakid sekali saat ia tak melihat kmataku swaktu aku berbicara ,
sakid sekali saat ia hanya memarahiku tanpa peduli ap alasanku ,
sakid sekali saat swaktu kecil setiap pulang sekolah kudapati rumahku kosong ,
sakid sekali saat kulihat anak"lain begitu bahagia ,
sakid sekali saat aku lupa bagaimana hangatny karna jarang sekali mendapatkanny ,
rasa ini lebih lebih lebih sakid daripada saat ak menggores tanganku .."

kemudian raky memelukku ,menggenggam erat tanganku sbagaimana yg selalu ia lakukan untuk memberiku kekuatan .ia menangis untuk rasa sakidku ..






"raky ,ini sakid sekali ..."

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as i soar of my step ,
to my grandeur's wings .
i reach ur hand ,
feel the warmth of ur gaze .
u show the rainbow ,
then i follow ur shadow .
n if i can kept it on the low ,
just because to make u always here .
but no ,oh no .
u changed like another person at the morrow.
u leave me cry at ur behind .
no matter hw hard i call u ,
no matter hw far i love u ,
u never glow my life anymore ..


ps : it's not about raky ,but my fuckin ex-bf .

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one day ,
i met an enchanted boy .
people said ,that he has deep eyes .
which always wondered very far ,overland and sea .
he's not strength as he always showed .
but he teach one precious thing .
about what is love .
he said ; "a greates thing ,u've to learn .is just to love ,n be loved in return .."

i was thinking ,
n i dunt hav much time for that .

n then one day ,he passed away .
I'd become so numb .
i lost him ,
at the very moment ,i know .
he is the one that i very love ..
n i didn't hav any change to tell him ,how much i love him ..

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I'm curious for wat ur heart talkin about me .
and i supposed to understand ,
Cause the fact that u dnt see me means everythin n bcome nothing ..

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per qualcosa che venga in ritardo ,
per un amore che is liberanel mezzo del dolore ,
realmente desidero venirlo a contatto ancora ,
realmente desidero dirvi ,
quanto ti amo così!


---


for sumthing which comes late ,
for a love that release in d middle of d pain ,
i really wanna meet u again ,
i really want 2 tell u ,
. . how i love u so !

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je t'aime ..
je ne peux pas vitre sans toi ,
je ne peux pas penser à un autre homme que toi .
mon aimé bleu ciel ,
tu me manques ..



---



I love u ..
I cant live without u ,
I cant think of any man other than u ..
my beloved blue sky ,
I miss u ..

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estoy enamorado de ti ,
mis lluvia la prìncipe ..
Quiero simpre estar a tu lado ,
no puedo vivir sin tì ,
trata de comprender mis sentimentos ,
Le falto ..
Quiero ver pronto ,
Quiero abrazarte ,
no te olvidaré
,jamàs ,
mis querido niebla la prìncipe ..



---



I'm in love with u ,
my prince of rain ..
I wanna always be with u ,
I cant live without u ,
Please understand my feeling ,
I miss u ..
I really wanna meet u ,
I wanna hug u ,
I will never forget u ,
my beloved prince of mist ..

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estoy enamorado de ti ,
mis lluvia la prìncipe ..
Quiero simpre estar a tu lado ,
no puedo vivir sin tì ,
trata de comprender mis sentimentos ,
Le falto ..
Quiero ver pronto ,
Quiero abrazarte ,
no te olvidaré
,jamàs ,
mis querido niebla la prìncipe ..



---



I'm in love with u ,
my prince of rain ..
I wanna always be with u ,
I cant live without u ,
Please understand my feeling ,
I miss u ..
I really wanna meet u ,
I wanna hug u ,
I will never forget u ,
my beloved prince of mist ..

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just like a star accross my sky ,
just like an angel of the page ,
u hav appeared to my life ,
feel like i never the same .
just like a song in my heart ,
just like oil on my hand ..

"honour to love u .."

*still i wonder why it is ,
i dont argue like this ,
with anyone but u .
we do it all the time ,
blowing out my mind ..

u've got this look i can't describe ,
u make me feel like i'm alive .
when everything else is au fait ,
without a doubt u on my side .
heaven has been away too long ,
"cant find the words to write this song .."

oh ,our love ..

back to *

i've to come to understand the way it is .
it's not a secret anymore ,
cos we've been through that bfore ,
frm tonite i knw that u're the only one ,
i've been confused n in the dark ,
nw i undrstand ..
yeah ..

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it is so easy to see ,
dysfunction btween u n me .
We must free up these tired souls ,
Bfore d sadness kills us both .

I tried n tried to let u knw ,
I love u but i'm LETTING GO ,
It may not last but i dunt knw .
Just dunt knw ..

if u dunt knw ,then u cant care .
n u show up ,but u're not there .
But i'm waiting ,n u want to .
still afraid that i will desert u .

evryday ,with evry worthless word we get more far away .
The distance btween us makes it so hard to stay ,
But nothing lasts forever be honest babe ,
It hurts but it may be the only way ..

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Kalau kbahagiaan utkku hnya ad skejap saja .
ak rela ,
ak rela menukar sluruh kbahagiaanku agar qu dpt brtmu kmbali dgnnya .
walau hanya sesaat .
walau hanya sekejap ..
ak ingin brtmu diriny .
Dan mgatakan pdnya ,
'maafkan ak ,krna tak prnah ada utkmu..'

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bosand ..
haus belajar lagi buat spmb .
arrgh shid .
i need time to take rest my brain .
wish me lucky n succes .
gw mau masuk UI ,UNJ, IPB !!
BRJUANG !!!

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hidupkuu ..

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raky ariolafstando ..

sii mister mickey mouse with behel ijo toska .
haha .
kangend ..

awalnya ,raky blg kgw alesan dy pergi kspanyol krn mw nemenin nyokap yg mw tgl brg nenekny yg asli sana .
pas dy pergi ,rasany ad yg ilang ..
seolah"ad bag.dr diri gw yg keambil paksa .
tp gw brusaha tegar ,krna gag mungkin jg gt gw mikirin n kangenin dy tiap malem .
and sumday ,sumthing has been destroyed my world .
mamany raky menelpon gw ,dan blg kalo raky ud gag ada ..
his gone ..kali ini utk slamany .
'bcanda.' pkir gw ,tp dr nada isak tangis mamany gw tw ini gag main" .
dan saat itu jg mamany ngebeberin smua .klo sbnerna raky itu ..
1. pny pnyakit kanker paru"
2. alesan kspanyol bwt brobat
3. sngaja ngejauh dr gw

hha ,sinetron abis kan ?
but it's true at all .
ampe skrg gw msh gag yakin dy dah gag ad .
tiap hr gw nangisin dy .gw gag rela dy pergi .
tiap hr gw manggilin nama dy 5 kali .brharap dy ada ,dtg ksisi gw .
tp dy gag prnah dateng ,smpe kapanpun gag akan pernah ..

seandainy bs ktmu dy skejap ajja .
gw mw blg ma dy .. 'maaf ,maaf utk sgalany .'

kangend mickeymouse ku !

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